Star Captain FAQ
Q. What is a star captain?
A. Star captains are men of great heroism, valor, and honor. They bravely destroy space aliens every day so you and I can live in peace.
Q. What does a star captain look like?
A. They usually have stubble. Many star captains also have a square jaw, a helmet, or both. Star captains can be found at the helm of a Fleet Tactical Carrier, or in a cave somewhere killing aliens, or even on
the maintenance deck of their ship, fixing a broken flux capacitor.
Q. I've never met a star captain. Give me an example of a famous star captain.
A. Roy "Shark" McLeod, who successfully led the fleet through the System Alpha asteroid belt, comes to mind. Don't forget his heroic friend,
Leon "Dumpy" Astronov, who served under
James "Deciduous" Wallace in the Battle of Double-Jupiter.
Q. What sort of weapon does a star captain use?
A. Well, Star Captain John "Johnny" Jameson made the Arman Phasetronic Raygun famous. His contemporary,
John "Shark" James, of course prefers the Flexmatic Phasetronic Raygun. A true star captain feels comfortable with a whole range of weapons, from Klingon Beam Batons to Flexmatic Pulse Rifles.
Q. Wow, star captains are really great! Will you tell me all about them?
A. You bet! You can subscribe to the official Star Captains Club of America RSS feed. Every so often, we will
update it with the latest breaking news about our heroes in the sky.
An example of a harrowing tale from the galactic front lines:
The Intergalactic News Service just received a report stating that just this morning, Star Captain Jack "Ringworm" Higgins, veteran of the Battle of Double-Jupiter, broke free of an enemy cell to deliver intelligence on the troop movements of the Balsa Pirates! He will receive the Blue Galaxy Award for his heroic act of honorable selflessness. During the ordeal, Higgins was reported to have
used his Klingon Tech Beam Rifle with deadly effectiveness. Known to the crew of his Fleet Tactical Carrier simply as
"Ringworm," Higgins is a humble yet intense star captain. His life-long friend and navigator,
French "Blaster" Williams, says this about him: "Ringworm can do it all. One minute he's fixing a
pulse resonator, the next he's off fighting Galvorian Space Pirates with his Arman Phasetronic Raygun. He's really
an impressive man, and we're glad that he's at the helm of the R.S.S. Punxsutawney." The Galactic Queen will be presenting the award at a formal ceremony tomorrow.
